A few quick words...

I'm sitting on the couch in my parents' hotel room at 2:00 in the morning; my commencement is behind me, and I have only my school convocation later today before I receive my diploma. I have been surrounded by old friends, family, and loved ones for days; toasts have been made in my honor all night. My mother bought be my first official "Northwestern | Alumni" shirt, my bags are packed in preparation for my move back to Los Angeles, and I have a fire burning deep within the pit of my stomach propelling me forward. And yet...

I'm sitting on the couch in my parent's hotel room at 2:00 in the morning unable to sleep. An hour ago I switched into my running shorts and left the room in search of a gym to blow off some steam. I worked out. I cooled off. I cleared my head, got ready for bed, and checked my email.

I regret everything, and yet I don't think I would change anything.

But I'm sitting on the couch in my parent's hotel room because it was never supposed to happen this way. I never thought that I would feel this alone while standing on the precipice of the rest of my life. I never intended to drive this path by myself.

We changed the ending, but we never figured out where that ending was supposed to go.

I hate the fact that I require a companion to function properly. I have never been able to set out on my own and accomplish anything worthwhile. And yet everyone I once knew to fill that void is gone. The friend who moved away during college. The friend who grew distant with time. The friends with whom I may never again share a fraternal or collegiate moment are moving up, or moving on; regardless the direction, it is a path I cannot follow.

I hate knowing that the right decision could be filled with as much pain as the wrong decision, and never knowing which decision was which.

And now...

I'm sitting on the couch in my parent's hotel room at 2:19 in the morning, and it's time to get some sleep.